or should i say bastian, bastian, bastian? i'm sitting here writing this for you, you're in the next room asleep and we're in switzerland right now. i mean... what. the. fuck? as i look outside the window there's snow, the kinda powdery white snow you might've thought only existed in movies but no no it's real and we just spent the day exploring together. together. you and i, bastian and andrew. what's mine is yours to make your own. we talk about this a lot but i'm still gonna throw it in here that it's wild of me to think of a time i didn't have you in my life.

why? because you're such a strong presence in it now. someone i look forward to, someone i want. do i ever want. someone i need... do i ever need. yeah, i do. i know that birthdays were never a big deal for you and i get it, i do, but i also think that it can be a good time to just be with that person in any way you can, show that appreciation, highlight all that you are ("but andrew that's the point. i don't want to be highlighted.") well, bastian bentz, too bad. did i just do that thing you do too where you slide in my Andrew Voice? yeah, sure did.

you're a force. you are. the way you live your life honestly, out loud publicly, how caring you are. anyone that has you in their life is lucky and i consider myself just that: lucky to have you in mine. i don't know what the hell i did to deserve it but i'll take it. like how i take all of you. all that you are, as you are. how you care, and i mean genuinely care. you make everyone in your life feel special and that's also what i wanna showcase and do for you. make you feel special because you deserve it so fucking much. you deserve it all.

i've always lived in the now, the just go, the don't stop, but you. you make me want to look forward -with you. make me appreciate what i've got around. make me see, i mean really see, what could be and the what could be is really fucking good. there's no one like you. do you see how goddamn sappy i'm getting? lemme counter that: you're a smartass. a smart, philosophical, talented, fun, interesting, handsome, sweet, cheeky, also re: that smartass point? you're my smartass, sooo. fuck am i ever soft for you.

birthdays are all about celebrating the birthday person and i know you were all , "andrew. no birthday stuff. i don't do that." but you also knew there was gonna be birthday stuff anyway and we've come a long way, all the way, to the point of hosting a christmas get together together i'd say we throw this in there as a new experience in the mix. i want to celebrate you, so that's that bastian bentz. deal with it. happy birthday.

"in my eyes, it's all you."