In his own words, "Sometimes it does feel like I've lived a lot of lives just because of all the different circumstances I've been in."

I meet with Andrew in a cafe in Venice, California, where we discuss the whirlwind of ups and downs of growing up on sets. He gets shockingly real.

Tarna: When I was checking in with your manager, as with any manager, I asked the standard 'what's off limit?' question and I heard there's nothing off limits.

Fiske: Guess we'll see, right? There's a whole lot I'm more than willing to talk about, I just never got the opportunity to.

Tarna: Guess we'll see is right. I was just looking through your filmography and as I see it now, in front of me, you've been in a lot more than I realized as a kid. I'm a couple of years older than you but looking at this list, it's wild to think about the time you must've spent - technically - working, even if to me watching those movies, I thought it was the coolest thing, to see a kid around my age in a movie.

Fiske: You know, for a long time there was this label about actors who’ve worked as kids. It’s hard for me to use the term ‘child actor’ seriously because it comes with a more serious connotation. Kids are kids. I don’t care how professional your manager claims that you are, you’re a kid, and as a kid… why are you not being treated to that standard? Because you’ve been in some movies?

Tarna: Right. In that lense, how do you think back on that time in your life? Negatively, positively?

Fiske I’d say… it’s less about me enjoying or not enjoying those times and more about the role that period in my life played to the person I am today. I did enjoy a lot of aspects of it, absolutely. I mean, I was the kid sitting on my floor wide-eyed and staring at the screen while the VHS tapes were popped in because I loved that escapism. The idea that you could be someone else, anyone you wanted, and entertain others through that medium. I met amazing people, saw and got to do incr4edible things I could've never done had I not been in this industr, but, again... I was a kid. Did I think that also came with being met with impossible standards? Going through the motions of a regular teenager, drinking and partying like any other teenagers do, but suddenly being labeled out of control because of it? That’s just the tip of the iceberg, anyway.

Tarna: You know you’ve got me wanting to know more going on with this iceberg.

Fiske: I can take the heat for that shit, right? I was a kid acting out. For me, it was more about the behind the scenes nonsense. Picture this with me for a second: you’re in the car on the way to an audition. Twelve years old, right. The day before you’ve been coached and working hard all day and night to perfect lines because you know damn well there will be 30 other kids auditioning for the same role, at least 10 of whom are in your same league, so you need to find something deep inside you to reach into and pour out so that you are better than them.

Always have to be better than them. You don’t sleep so much as close your eyes and go over lines to lull you to sleep. That car ride is a mix of emotions and you don’t want to let anyone down, because at that age, you are still widely made aware that people depend on you. You, the twelve year old kid, decide the income fates of several adults. You gotta be perfect too, right? Sit up straight, better make eye contact and say hello to the three adults who will probably be in that audition room. Don’t you dare fuck up. Then, go home, and find the next project.

Tarna: It sounds to me like a lot of work but I also do want to point out - you’ve used you a lot instead of using I, or me.

Fiske: Fuck, did I? I’ve got a tendency to do that sometimes. Storytelling complex, maybe.

Tarna Helped me see the mentality of where you’d come from with it. That’s something. So, let’s take it back. You’re that kid, working long days, long hours…

Fiske: What I also think becomes a disconnect is how it weighs heavy. Because it does. I wasn’t the kind of confident in myself I am now, I was the kid who’d be finished for the day and then go home and try and master my technique, like some kind of work horse. Like that was all I was good for… because in a way, that’s how you’re made to feel like. You're only worth the recognition from the roles. All those articles coming out about these genius kids who act, the positive interviews and press, the yes people… that’s side one. The doubt, the humiliation, the confusion about what it means to be a kid when you don’t know how, the negative talk you get from others.

Tarna: Negative talk?

Fiske: The minute you’re in the business, you’re treated as such. I’ve been in rooms where adults whisper, point and stare at me, tell me to my face I’m going to have to, “gain a quick five to the face” because I was too scrawny at thirteen years old or, “eat less a couple of days before filming” because they wanted my cheeks to look more sunken in. Had my team workaround child labor laws when it wasn't as firm back then just so I could hop on a plane to get to an event. Told I would never get a role in films again, got cornered by some group of crazed stage moms who tried to force me out of a film which… is kind of funny thinking back to it? There have been plenty, plenty of times I’d been in uncomfortable situations with people who should have known better. People on my team, too. I’ve been poked and prodded for reactions by fellow actors, paparazzi, managers, fake friends alike.

Tarna: You mention people on your team but, your brother is an actor too, and for a while your mom was your manager. How was it in that sense, being like a family business?

Fiske: I know people can successfully mix business with family but I couldn't. There came a point when it felt like everything was transactional and nothing more. That's not the way a family should be operating. I learned that family is family, and business is business.

Tarna: And you shouldn't mix the two?

Fiske: I know some people do it successfully, but I can't. Not when the basis of your relationship is just work and money. It gets way too complicated. Unnecessarily complicated.

Tarna: Fair enough. How did you take all of that on top of what was going on in the media, the things that were being said about you?

Fiske: What, have you not read, seen, heard all about my fun breakdowns and meltdowns I’ve had? Look, I’m not trying to paint myself as some angel here either, you know. I’ve fucked up. Badly. Multiple times. I’ve gone down the drug train, drank too much, gotten into bad fights, fucked over good people, been needlessly and recklessly mean for no reason, pushed people away I never should have all because of media perceptions, acted out, and as much as everything has reasons there’s no excuses for a lot of it.

Tarna: Do you think that behaviour was brought in by the restrictive child actor system you spoke about?

Fiske: It was definitely a part of it, throw in my addictive personality and it was a done deal, but there’s more to it. In general. There’s a kind of torture porn enjoyment people get when they hear about breakdowns of people who’ve been in films when they were younger, like they’re waiting for it. That’s fucked up. Growing up in the media is just that. Growing up. Why are we, a general we, still being held up to how we were over ten yeas ago? I’ve seen so many, ‘Guess what THESE KIDS are doing NOW!’ and, ‘WHO KNEW this ACTOR could be doing SERIOUS PROJECTS?’ kind of clickbait-y articles, as if we’re all stuck to the roles and people we were. When I got into the fight I did with the manager I worked with, suddenly it wasn’t a, ‘this is what happened’ article it was a, ‘Andrew Fiske is back to his old ways!’ article.

Tarna: Since you brought it up I have to ask…

Fiske: Oh, god.

Tarna: I have to, okay. What did actually happen that night? [EDITOR’S NOTE: September 2020, Andrew Fiske got into a publicizsed physical altercation with a former manager during a gala event]

Fiske: That was on me. I was provoked by my own thoughts, emotions, that felt like they were working on overdrive. I swung at him. I did. Should I have? Hell no. Did it feel good? Yeah, it did at the time. Then horrible right after. Do I know better now? Sure do. If I could do it over I wouldn't have reacted the way I did. .

Tarna: What about those few years when you didn't work on films at all, what was going on them? There has been a lot of speculation and you've been notoriously quiet about it.

Fiske: In the beginning that was a really, really bad time for me. Can't really shake that truth off. You know when you look in the mirror and you don't recognize certain new features? It was like I was looking in the mirror at this shell of who I was. I looked the same, maybe a little bit worn, but it was the insides that were all scrambled up. I thought one of the worst things to become was angry but I realize now that one of the worst things to be is numb and that's exactly what I was. Numb and disconnected.

Tarna: What's interesting is that some might say it was, professionally, a turning point. You had managed to jump into a role like Whiplash which had gotten so much notoriety, J.K. Simmons won the Oscar for best supporting actor, Damien Chazelle went on to La La Land. You were even rumored to have been mentioned for that project and it's a spotlight point many actors would dream of but instead of taking it and pursuing more role offers, you disappeared.

Fiske: Which saved me.

Tarna: How so?

Fiske: So, professionally, you're right. I was at a high. I knew it, everyone around me knew it, I was moving out of the roles I was doing as a kid to more mature roles but I was still unhappy. Numb. It felt like years of not knowing what I wanted, what I needed, were catching up to me and I actually wondered is this what I want, is this what I need, or was I just kind of pushed into acting as a kid? Because, sure, many kids are showoffs who love the spotlight and a ton of parents can clap and say, 'my little Timmy is a star!' but how many kids actually have that innate desire to be on a stage, truly? Any? Who knows. So... I was at this crucial point that a lot of teens and young adults go through but in the acting realm way. I wondered what the hell I wanted to do with my life. I was also doing hella drugs, which didn't help the cause.

Tarna: To put it lightly?

Fiske: To put it lightly, of course. It was a matter of wanting to feel something. Acting out in my personal life? It made me feel something. The drugs? They made me feel something. I had this whole me vs the world perspective at that time. I'd party 'til late and still be on set when needed to be. I knew when and how to turn it on, because that was what I was bred to do. Just having that on and off button started to freak me out, too. The fact that I could compartmentalize my life so well that I could get away with so much until... I couldn't. I didn't want to tell my friends. Didn't bother to tell my professional contacts. I reached this breaking point and I just left.

Tarna: Where does a newly freed Andew Fiske go?

Fiske: Man, everywhere. For a couple of months I was constantly on the move. Just because I could. No responsabilities, no one to have to answer to, it was that freedom that also made me realize, you know what, I do miss acting. The ability to check in to a character and bring them to life. Doing what that kid sitting on the floor gazing up at the screen in awe wanted to do. That's why I came back. I knew it was for me, not because of anyone else telling me it was for me. I care a hell of a lot less about projects that could garner high velocity attention and a lot more about the grit of a project. Something I really get to sink my teeth into.

Tarna: Do you use your past as inspiration for that?

Fiske: Maybe for some moments, but I like to kind of work with each character differently. There was a time when I thought things in my past were my shame and I’m coming to terms with the fact that what I once saw as shameful is something I've learned a lot from. Can’t change it, might as well talk about it. Accept it.

Tarna: How’d you get to that place?

Fiske: Time, man. Fucking time. There’s only so long I can be a moody jerk for. Some time, maturing, talking it out, having a good support system. That all helps.

Tarna: How long did it take you to cultivate that support system?

Fiske: I didn’t even realize it at the time, but it was about people being there for me. Even wordlessly, the people who stuck by me through it all. The ones who - it’s not that they don’t judge, I deserved some shady looks and proverbial smacks upside the head - but they are the ones who saw me at my worst, and still kept to hanging with me anyway. That was a start. Otherwise? It was about letting go. The person who I was isn’t the person who I am. God, I sound like some kinda cheesy self help book don’t I?

Tarna: Maybe that’s what happens when you actually self help. Do you think there is a struggle, of the Andrew that was and the Andrew that is?

Fiske: There was, but not anymore. I feel like I’ve let that person go in a bigger since and instead of letting him, those moments, plague me like they could I took apart the parts I wanted to keep and stuck them on with who I am now. Like some kind of always learning trying-to-be-an-emotionally proficient cyborg.

Tarna: So, as this new and improved, emotionally proficient cyborg, what other advice do you have to offer and finally, what's next for Andrew Fiske?

Fiske: My advice... trust your gut. There were a lot of situations I knew right from wrong but I didn't speak up loud enough. I'd also want there to be better laws and restrictions for any kid getting into the business, and I'm talking laws and restrictions that always put the kid first. Not their career. As for what's next? Who knows. I'm at the best place I've ever been, right now, and that's what I'm going to focus on. That's all I want to focus on.